All I Want for Christmas is You... or Resident Evil for GameCube

...actually, better just go ahead and go with the latter.

Merry Christmas Everyone! It's that time of year again... children making snowmen, people acting like they like each other, and Bruce Willis screaming obscenities and throwing Germans from windows.

...and to all a good night!

So this year I face my first Christmas away from home so I'm thoroughly bummed about that. I'm still working on hammering out the details of exactly what I'll be doing for Christmas. Probably crashing on a buddy's floor, watching awesome movies, etc. I'm actually up in Seoul right now, gonna do a bit of Christmas shopping later today.

Last year I found out that making the

presents myself yielded mixed responses.

But that's not why I'm writing this post. This post is about something much more important. Something plaguing this world, particularly children, everywhere. Especially around the holidays. The scourge to which I am referring is of course Zombie Santa.

Now, I'm aware that some people think that Zombie Santa is just an urban legend. Something you joke about with your friends. And it's funny, yes it is all very hilarious to joke about until one Christmas Eve, you shuffle drowsily off to bed feeling heavy from a mixture of a great Christmas dinner and the after-effects of Aunt Linda's Christmas Punch. All is well in your happy little world.

Then at around 2:45 there arises such a clatter, but you're still sleeping off last night's adventure so you don't spring from your bed to see what's the matter. When you finally wake up and make your way to the coffee machine you find that someone has been here. And they had a Christmas feast as well-- and the main course was your dog.

Is it funny now?

But CJ, you interject, my house is properly barricaded. No zombie could possibly get in! A valid point. Too bad said valid point is inherently flawed. Do you not know that Santa is a master of evasion? That no doors, windows, barricades, or automatic mounted machine guns can stop his entry to whatever building he wishes? Coming and going entirely undetected?

After becoming infected, Santa, unlike others who have been reanimated, retained his sentience and all his original abilities. In fact, in many ways Santa Claus is still much the same as he was. He still follows his basic instinct to visit every house on his list. But he no longer hungers for milk and cookies. After turning, he found he desired something more... savory.

Gone are the days where it was as

simple as "Naughty" and "Nice."

What can I do then, CJ? Is all hope lost? To which I must respond that you've clearly never seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas. There is always hope. There are also steps you can take to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Tip 1: Keep vigilant! That is to say keep a 24-hour watch wherever you keep your Christmas Tree and other Christmas paraphernalia. A keen eye and a sawed-off shotgun should be all you need unless you anger him.

Tip 2: Keep informed! Be sure that your children know from a young age the dangers of old Kris Kringle. Be sure they know not to take risks and be sure to report any sightings in your area. Set up a phone tree.

Tip 3: Don't make yourself a target! Too many Christmas lights, signs, blow-up Santa's (for God's sake, let's give him an ego too?) are all come-ons to Zombie Santa. He knows where to find a fresh meal. However, if you keep no lights on at all, you may still receive a visit as he may assume no one is home and is not above snatching a plasma screen just for the thrill of it. Find a happy medium.

If you follow these simple steps you can more than likely remain safe from harm. Me, I don't have to worry about Zombie Santa. He doesn't come to Korea because they have kids back in school the first weekday after Christmas. Nice Christmas Spirit, guys.

Stay safe, my freaky darlings!

But seriously, I'd be psyched as hell to get Resident Evil for GameCube.

Climbing Stuff

So I've realized I've been doing too much reading and have been neglecting writing on here so here I am updating fully a month since my last update.

I was actually frightened into writing this post. This weekend my camera and I were dearly reunited-- my camera, the sweetheart I thought I'd never see again; myself, the neglectful one who dropped said sweetheart into the laptop section of his backpack.

Jirisan

So in the past month I've gone with friends from HongSeong to two different mountains and had a most excellent time. The first mountain was Jirisan in the south. We went there to see the fall colors. We actually took a path through a valley for that very purpose.

It was rather beautiful. Some people in the group were looking for the whole place to be red leaves but I think the variety in colors made it even better. I got a bandana out of it too! There were signs everywhere about Moon Bears. The group I was with was hoping we wouldn't run into one. Me, I actually wanted to see one. For the sake of the story I'm going to say we did.

And to further the story, I fought it to the death

with a sharpened spork. I won't say who won though.

The next day we visited a Buddhist temple which was quite interesting. There was an exhibition on at the time as well so we got to see some cool paintings and figures from... I want to say Tibet.

Would've bought one too, if it weren't a month's salary!

We also saw the most Zen dog ever. Usually dogs here in Korea have the cheery demeanor of someone who would gladly separate you from your throat if you'd just let them off their chain... or just stand... a little closer... Come on...! This dog just sat there looking at us like the most chill dog ever. Not hoping for someone to pet him, not wanting to kill someone... just at peace.

I mean, if that doesn't say "One With the Universe," what does?

Seoraksan

Two weekends later we went to Seoraksan in the Gangwon province. THAT was fun... and terrifying. Fun and terrifying. ...and tiring. We began the day with breakfast-- where rather than telling the lady at the counter that the food was delicious, I used the phrase that means "I don't know." Very confused look ensued.

Then we took a cable car up to Gwongeumseong -- in the cable car I think they were playing Christina Aguilera circa 2000 or something.

The car took us the majority of the way up but the last bit was a beast to climb... a steep climb with no rails or anything...

Great for my acrophobia...

...and this sign halfway up reminded me of the distinct

possibility of me losing my balance and tumbling to my death.

Next we went up Ulsanbawi which was also an adventure. We saw a Buddhist shrine carved into a cave halfway up...

and an enormous rock called Heundelbawi which can be rocked but never rolled. (Khalid and I could hardly get the thing to budge!)

After about two hours of climbing, we managed to make it halfway. The second half is faster-- if you can get over the fact that you're climbing the staircase from Hell that is. (800+ steps)

But in the end getting to the top of both of those mountains was pretty epic and well worth the climb.

At the top of Gwongeumseong...

...and at the top of Ulsanbawi

In summation, hiking in Korea is friggin' awesome. And now, since you read all about my clambering up various rock formations, I will now post some of the weird and funny crap I saw on these trips.

Thank God-- now I know where to pak!

Take THAT, Grandma!

Creepy shut-down carnival ride...

Hmm... I'm not so sure about THAT flavor...

...and last but not least...

Ohhhh THAT'S where they go!

Thank you very much for reading-- now let's see if I can pull off a 6am trip to the gym tomorrow now that it's 11:50pm.

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!

Still Breathing

Hello my dear fans,

My apologies for such an extended period with no posts. I really did not think I had enough material for a full blog post but it's been awhile so I'm going to try anyway.

This may end up being a series of mini-posts.

Today I'll just write about life in general and perhaps in a few days I'll post an amalgamation of my adventures in Seoul so far.

The job is business as usual. In other words, one school is wonderful and one school is a nightmare. I try to care but I can only push so hard. My co-teacher has a habit of undermining my teaching; when I try to pronounce something for the students, she mispronounces it for them so they repeat after her. Three cheers for the dumbing down!

Hip Hip...*

Hip Hip...**

Hip Hip...***

*Cord = Cold

**Bear = Bell

***Clap = Crap

Okay, I feel a little better now.

Home life is pretty good. Pretty lax. I have a plethora of books to read now (I just finished Dearly Devoted Dexter and it was awesome) so that has kept me rather entertained.

I need to expand my cheap, at-home cooking skills. I thought I could live on rice and tuna but mom's been concerned about the mercury levels in tuna so I've been expanding my horizons. A little.

Dangerous stuff...

So I decided to try my luck at the chicken place across the road from my apartment building and I was pleasantly surprised. See, I did not know what I was ordering...

...because this magnet is the entire menu.

But I am rather comforted by the number 4 and its exponents so I went with that. I was not disappointed.

I call this the "Repeat Customer"

The tagline on the box:

"I don't think I've ever anything quite like it"

Halloween is this weekend but I haven't managed to procure a costume so I suppose I'll go as a 22 year old man-child who still loves video games and cartoons.

I would also like to take a moment to give a shout-out to everyone who has been helping me with their moral support. You are all very much appreciated.

I'll probably get my post about my Seoul-related antics up by week's end.

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!

Christmas in October

So I usually don't post this quickly after having written. Not an issue of blog etiquette, I'm just usually a lazy writer. (It took me 8 months to complete one short story and I've written nil since then on that front). HOWEVER, today would not fall under the category of "usual." If this weekend came up 21, I just got the payout.

It started off as a rather lackluster day... an uneventful shift at the school I prefer (apart from teaching a class of 1st through 4th graders... as if there is something that can be effectively taught to that wide an age gap). When I got home I figured it would be a "business as usual" night. BioShock for hours and hours, cooking a crappy dinner, getting to bed later than I should...

Then the doorbell rang. My attention was on something else and by the time I got that situation under control whoever was out there was gone. The delivery guy was just about to leave so I shouted down to him to stop. I grabbed the parcel from him and ran back to my apartment, excited as a little kid on Christmas-- A PARCEL FROM HOME!

Lol, what's in it!

From the moment I opened it I knew it was going to be full of win. I mean mechanical pencils and Halloween Static clings? If course it's just going to get more awesome!

And it did!

First thing I noticed upon unpacking was a pair of jeans...

...with a dvd player in them!

Then I sorted out the other electronics-- with the

new power chord, Robert Paulson is back from the dead!

They also sent me stickers and flash cards

for my students. These kids love stickers!

A new razor, combs, tweezers, clippers, flossers...

I finally have a toothbrush here in Korea too!

...most of CVS Pharmacy...

...and finally, three of my favorite things:

Gum, Mechanical Pencils, and Halloween!

They also sent me some stuff for entertainment... three of my favorite movies: The Warriors, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, and Black Sheep. Also, I asked them to send me The Zombie Survival Guide. Coming to Korea I realized I am going to have to prepare an entirely different exit strategy and a whole new team for in the event of a zombie outbreak. "Head North" is, obviously, not an option.

Also, every plain glass surface in my apartment

is now heavily decorated with Halloween window

clings. Even my microwave has a spider on it!

This post is just to say thanks-- and to show my appreciation. My family kicks @$$ all over the place. This went from a "business as usual" night to one that merited a blog post. Still managed some BioShock, crappy dinner, and will probably go to bed late so... the Universe has righted itself. I now have everything I need-- until I bug them about sending me hoodies and my coat but I'll try and make it through half of November before then.

...since I practically won the Lottery tonight!

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!

A Potential Bust that Hit 21

So this past weekend was one to remember (or in some cases, not remember). It all started when 40+ foreign teachers in the ChungNam province were told around Wednesday that this weekend would have a compulsory training in Asan. Thank God I didn't have a date. So we were all shipped off to Asan for a weekend of fun, fun, 12-hour days. No leaving campus, no drinking, done with class at 9, lights out at 11.

The weekend was looking like it would be quite...

But then we remembered, Ohh wait! We're grown-ups, not university freshmen! Ohh, also we are being forced to be at this thing when we could be doing... well, anything other than that. We Hongseong teachers were the second town to show up and they started to trickle in throughout the morning. The classes ranged from "informative" to "pulling teeth whilst watching paint dry." Lunch was... well... never mind... I was feeling much like the singer of "Camp Grenada."

The lunch room had interesting advertising though.

It wasn't that bad though, there were plenty of new people to talk to, the majority of whom were just as keen as I was on the restrictions. Our last session of the night was "Korean Culture" and the lady presenting for us put up a slide that had two nuns on a motorcycle that said "If you obey all the rules you'll miss all the fun." So yeah-- that was all the convincing many of the others needed. First thing after the classes were out we went exploring around our building. Upon finding a Noraebang (Karaoke; literally "Song Room") we were gestured to enter by what we could only assume were scouts of some sort.

They began by putting pitchers on their heads...

...and proceeded to verify every assumption

any of us ever had about Korea. In a good way.

The next day involved a field trip to Independence Hall which seemed really cool at first.

There was a sweet gateway thing...

...and a cool Fountainhead-looking statue...

...and some neat exhibits in the museum.

Spinning figure of the inventor of Hangul

and the face of 10,000 Won.

Yes-- 9 floors. And if you want to catch Ho-Oh

you're going to have to climb the whole thing.

But then the tour walked into the area about the Japanese occupation of Korea-- fully equipped with animatronic scenes of torture. Really unsettling. I now understand the fear of foreigners. Understand it but it doesn't make me more okay with it. I stopped taking pictures at this point because I was rather bothered. At least they gave us 45 minutes to figure out what to do with ourselves before lunch. Gave us time to settle our stomachs.

That night was excellent though. We got some Noraebang action for us teachers and the majority of us sang some. I sang Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" and apparently I did an okay job, a few people said I sound like him. Everybody had a pretty great time. Some had too great a time, sent us out for snacks and by the time we got back most of them were asleep. That good a time.

Yesterday was pretty alright. We finished up the classes, had a little ceremony at the end, and went our separate ways. We all made some new friends, heard some great ideas as to different ways to have fun around Korea and so all in all it was worth the general inconvenience. I was back in my apartment playing BioShock by 6:30pm. Asleep by 8. I was beat. I'm charging up my camera for another week of potential awesomeness. You keep reading 'em, I'll keep writing 'em.

Goodnight, my freaky darlings.