Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity-Jig

Hello again, dear reader!

It has been quite some time since I have written a blog post. I meant to write one sooner, but I have been having too much...

Let us begin in the present and work our way outward. Right now I am on my two weeks' vacation from teaching and I have basically no plans. Ohh, except that it is freakin' SHARK WEEK!

An artist's rendition of Eric and me last Shark Week

So I cannot complain too much about my boredom. Plus, though there is no actual night life in Hongseong, we foreigners manage to scrape one together anyway-- out of necessity.

Actually, night time is pretty much the best time to do anything. The weather in Hongseong in the summer fluctuates from muggy-and-hot to hot-and-muggy. Additionally, being the only foreign teacher in Hongseong without actual air conditioning, I generally stay very close to my fan and try to remain very still.

Artist's rendition of me walking into my apartment on the top floor

All things considered, I have been having a blast. Bowling is beginning to phase out kickboxing, since the kickboxing school is also on a top floor-- and if humidity were sentient, that school would be the number-one hangout in Hongseong for all the hottest humidities.

So I am just about to finish my contract in Korea, which is one of the first things I have ever seen through to the end. It is a bit sad that I will be leaving behind an easy job with pretty decent pay, but the thought of going home far outweighs the sadness. I am extremely psyched to be home.

This psyched.

Since I do not know what else to say, and because I still have not eaten lunch, I will close this with a top and bottom list of things I will miss about Korea.

Things I will miss:

1. Most Korean food.

For those of you who have never eaten at a Korean restaurant, Korean food is delicious. Bulgogi, Samgyupsal, Galbi, Kimchi jjigae, Bibimbab... so much good food that will cost about $20 a plate in the States (and which costs about $5 here).

2. Public Transit.

Korea is not a huge country (you could fit four of them in Texas, according to my Texan friend). For that reason, they have been able to make a pretty amazing public transit system. Only problem is that Korail sometimes has delays up to 15 minutes. Public transport also got me walking places (stations, bus stops, etc.).

3. The money.

Teaching English is not a terribly difficult job at the elementary level, and two grand a month without paying rent is pretty hard to beat (in my experience). At the same time, most of us just end up acting like university students except now with disposable income.

4. Friends.

This whole year would have been nigh on impossible without an awesome group of friends to share laughs, drinks, and jokes with on a regular basis. Hongseong is a small town and not too many locals speak English very well, so having my English, Irish, South African, and yes-- even Texan friends out here has made all the difference in the world.

5. SOME of the students.

My job here was to be a teacher. I figured I could just do my job and just get by, but then in the course of dealing with the buggers every day of the week, I realized, I am really going to miss some of them. It is a good job but the best reward is seeing the kids who care to learn becoming noticeably better at English.

Things I will NOT miss:

1. Kimchi.

More specifically, radish kimchi and cucumber kimchi. In fairness, I do actually really enjoy cabbage kimchi, especially when you cook it at a samgyupsal restaurant. Even that kind of kimchi gets old when you consider that in Korea, kimchi is always served. Every. Single. Meal. (almost)

2. Cabbies.

There are not a whole lot of people in Korea I got along with less than cabbies. I must have one of those faces. Of course, most of this bitterness comes from back in the winter, trying to flag them down at 5:30 in the morning to give me a ride to the gym.

3. Ajummas.

Ajummas are basically middle-aged Korean women (ajumma actually means "aunt") usually married, though I do not know if there is any precise definition; especially with ladies who might be ajummas. Now, I hesitated to post this one, because not all ajummas are of the pushy, shovey, shouty variety, but those who do more than overshadow the niceness of the others.

4. My apartment.

As I mentioned before, this place has no Air Conditioning so I basically have windows open at all times on both ends of the apartment. This I can deal with. The real problem is the location. I am out in the sticks while most of my friends live downtown. Also, because I am out near a heavily wooded area, I am the unwilling host to a variety of bugs who decide to try their luck against me and my rolled up magazine.

5. Soju.

Soju is Korean for "Satan's Laughter at Your Pain and Eventual Obliteration" or something to that effect. It is bottled in the bowels of Hades and sold for about $2 a bottle... for the higher-end stuff. I do not know what it is about soju, but most Koreans I have met love the stuff. I will admit, mixing it with grape juice can make it palatable... but usually it is taken neat or dropped into a glass of beer (somek). I cannot advise enough against soju so I will not try. Just know that you have been warned.

All in all, I will miss this place but not as much as I have missed home. I just wonder how long it will take me to stop bowing and saying "kamsahamnida" when I get home.

So if I do not get out another post before I go home then so long, and thanks for all the fish!

All I Want for Christmas is You... or Resident Evil for GameCube

...actually, better just go ahead and go with the latter.

Merry Christmas Everyone! It's that time of year again... children making snowmen, people acting like they like each other, and Bruce Willis screaming obscenities and throwing Germans from windows.

...and to all a good night!

So this year I face my first Christmas away from home so I'm thoroughly bummed about that. I'm still working on hammering out the details of exactly what I'll be doing for Christmas. Probably crashing on a buddy's floor, watching awesome movies, etc. I'm actually up in Seoul right now, gonna do a bit of Christmas shopping later today.

Last year I found out that making the

presents myself yielded mixed responses.

But that's not why I'm writing this post. This post is about something much more important. Something plaguing this world, particularly children, everywhere. Especially around the holidays. The scourge to which I am referring is of course Zombie Santa.

Now, I'm aware that some people think that Zombie Santa is just an urban legend. Something you joke about with your friends. And it's funny, yes it is all very hilarious to joke about until one Christmas Eve, you shuffle drowsily off to bed feeling heavy from a mixture of a great Christmas dinner and the after-effects of Aunt Linda's Christmas Punch. All is well in your happy little world.

Then at around 2:45 there arises such a clatter, but you're still sleeping off last night's adventure so you don't spring from your bed to see what's the matter. When you finally wake up and make your way to the coffee machine you find that someone has been here. And they had a Christmas feast as well-- and the main course was your dog.

Is it funny now?

But CJ, you interject, my house is properly barricaded. No zombie could possibly get in! A valid point. Too bad said valid point is inherently flawed. Do you not know that Santa is a master of evasion? That no doors, windows, barricades, or automatic mounted machine guns can stop his entry to whatever building he wishes? Coming and going entirely undetected?

After becoming infected, Santa, unlike others who have been reanimated, retained his sentience and all his original abilities. In fact, in many ways Santa Claus is still much the same as he was. He still follows his basic instinct to visit every house on his list. But he no longer hungers for milk and cookies. After turning, he found he desired something more... savory.

Gone are the days where it was as

simple as "Naughty" and "Nice."

What can I do then, CJ? Is all hope lost? To which I must respond that you've clearly never seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas. There is always hope. There are also steps you can take to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Tip 1: Keep vigilant! That is to say keep a 24-hour watch wherever you keep your Christmas Tree and other Christmas paraphernalia. A keen eye and a sawed-off shotgun should be all you need unless you anger him.

Tip 2: Keep informed! Be sure that your children know from a young age the dangers of old Kris Kringle. Be sure they know not to take risks and be sure to report any sightings in your area. Set up a phone tree.

Tip 3: Don't make yourself a target! Too many Christmas lights, signs, blow-up Santa's (for God's sake, let's give him an ego too?) are all come-ons to Zombie Santa. He knows where to find a fresh meal. However, if you keep no lights on at all, you may still receive a visit as he may assume no one is home and is not above snatching a plasma screen just for the thrill of it. Find a happy medium.

If you follow these simple steps you can more than likely remain safe from harm. Me, I don't have to worry about Zombie Santa. He doesn't come to Korea because they have kids back in school the first weekday after Christmas. Nice Christmas Spirit, guys.

Stay safe, my freaky darlings!

But seriously, I'd be psyched as hell to get Resident Evil for GameCube.

Climbing Stuff

So I've realized I've been doing too much reading and have been neglecting writing on here so here I am updating fully a month since my last update.

I was actually frightened into writing this post. This weekend my camera and I were dearly reunited-- my camera, the sweetheart I thought I'd never see again; myself, the neglectful one who dropped said sweetheart into the laptop section of his backpack.

Jirisan

So in the past month I've gone with friends from HongSeong to two different mountains and had a most excellent time. The first mountain was Jirisan in the south. We went there to see the fall colors. We actually took a path through a valley for that very purpose.

It was rather beautiful. Some people in the group were looking for the whole place to be red leaves but I think the variety in colors made it even better. I got a bandana out of it too! There were signs everywhere about Moon Bears. The group I was with was hoping we wouldn't run into one. Me, I actually wanted to see one. For the sake of the story I'm going to say we did.

And to further the story, I fought it to the death

with a sharpened spork. I won't say who won though.

The next day we visited a Buddhist temple which was quite interesting. There was an exhibition on at the time as well so we got to see some cool paintings and figures from... I want to say Tibet.

Would've bought one too, if it weren't a month's salary!

We also saw the most Zen dog ever. Usually dogs here in Korea have the cheery demeanor of someone who would gladly separate you from your throat if you'd just let them off their chain... or just stand... a little closer... Come on...! This dog just sat there looking at us like the most chill dog ever. Not hoping for someone to pet him, not wanting to kill someone... just at peace.

I mean, if that doesn't say "One With the Universe," what does?

Seoraksan

Two weekends later we went to Seoraksan in the Gangwon province. THAT was fun... and terrifying. Fun and terrifying. ...and tiring. We began the day with breakfast-- where rather than telling the lady at the counter that the food was delicious, I used the phrase that means "I don't know." Very confused look ensued.

Then we took a cable car up to Gwongeumseong -- in the cable car I think they were playing Christina Aguilera circa 2000 or something.

The car took us the majority of the way up but the last bit was a beast to climb... a steep climb with no rails or anything...

Great for my acrophobia...

...and this sign halfway up reminded me of the distinct

possibility of me losing my balance and tumbling to my death.

Next we went up Ulsanbawi which was also an adventure. We saw a Buddhist shrine carved into a cave halfway up...

and an enormous rock called Heundelbawi which can be rocked but never rolled. (Khalid and I could hardly get the thing to budge!)

After about two hours of climbing, we managed to make it halfway. The second half is faster-- if you can get over the fact that you're climbing the staircase from Hell that is. (800+ steps)

But in the end getting to the top of both of those mountains was pretty epic and well worth the climb.

At the top of Gwongeumseong...

...and at the top of Ulsanbawi

In summation, hiking in Korea is friggin' awesome. And now, since you read all about my clambering up various rock formations, I will now post some of the weird and funny crap I saw on these trips.

Thank God-- now I know where to pak!

Take THAT, Grandma!

Creepy shut-down carnival ride...

Hmm... I'm not so sure about THAT flavor...

...and last but not least...

Ohhhh THAT'S where they go!

Thank you very much for reading-- now let's see if I can pull off a 6am trip to the gym tomorrow now that it's 11:50pm.

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!

Still Breathing

Hello my dear fans,

My apologies for such an extended period with no posts. I really did not think I had enough material for a full blog post but it's been awhile so I'm going to try anyway.

This may end up being a series of mini-posts.

Today I'll just write about life in general and perhaps in a few days I'll post an amalgamation of my adventures in Seoul so far.

The job is business as usual. In other words, one school is wonderful and one school is a nightmare. I try to care but I can only push so hard. My co-teacher has a habit of undermining my teaching; when I try to pronounce something for the students, she mispronounces it for them so they repeat after her. Three cheers for the dumbing down!

Hip Hip...*

Hip Hip...**

Hip Hip...***

*Cord = Cold

**Bear = Bell

***Clap = Crap

Okay, I feel a little better now.

Home life is pretty good. Pretty lax. I have a plethora of books to read now (I just finished Dearly Devoted Dexter and it was awesome) so that has kept me rather entertained.

I need to expand my cheap, at-home cooking skills. I thought I could live on rice and tuna but mom's been concerned about the mercury levels in tuna so I've been expanding my horizons. A little.

Dangerous stuff...

So I decided to try my luck at the chicken place across the road from my apartment building and I was pleasantly surprised. See, I did not know what I was ordering...

...because this magnet is the entire menu.

But I am rather comforted by the number 4 and its exponents so I went with that. I was not disappointed.

I call this the "Repeat Customer"

The tagline on the box:

"I don't think I've ever anything quite like it"

Halloween is this weekend but I haven't managed to procure a costume so I suppose I'll go as a 22 year old man-child who still loves video games and cartoons.

I would also like to take a moment to give a shout-out to everyone who has been helping me with their moral support. You are all very much appreciated.

I'll probably get my post about my Seoul-related antics up by week's end.

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!

Christmas in October

So I usually don't post this quickly after having written. Not an issue of blog etiquette, I'm just usually a lazy writer. (It took me 8 months to complete one short story and I've written nil since then on that front). HOWEVER, today would not fall under the category of "usual." If this weekend came up 21, I just got the payout.

It started off as a rather lackluster day... an uneventful shift at the school I prefer (apart from teaching a class of 1st through 4th graders... as if there is something that can be effectively taught to that wide an age gap). When I got home I figured it would be a "business as usual" night. BioShock for hours and hours, cooking a crappy dinner, getting to bed later than I should...

Then the doorbell rang. My attention was on something else and by the time I got that situation under control whoever was out there was gone. The delivery guy was just about to leave so I shouted down to him to stop. I grabbed the parcel from him and ran back to my apartment, excited as a little kid on Christmas-- A PARCEL FROM HOME!

Lol, what's in it!

From the moment I opened it I knew it was going to be full of win. I mean mechanical pencils and Halloween Static clings? If course it's just going to get more awesome!

And it did!

First thing I noticed upon unpacking was a pair of jeans...

...with a dvd player in them!

Then I sorted out the other electronics-- with the

new power chord, Robert Paulson is back from the dead!

They also sent me stickers and flash cards

for my students. These kids love stickers!

A new razor, combs, tweezers, clippers, flossers...

I finally have a toothbrush here in Korea too!

...most of CVS Pharmacy...

...and finally, three of my favorite things:

Gum, Mechanical Pencils, and Halloween!

They also sent me some stuff for entertainment... three of my favorite movies: The Warriors, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, and Black Sheep. Also, I asked them to send me The Zombie Survival Guide. Coming to Korea I realized I am going to have to prepare an entirely different exit strategy and a whole new team for in the event of a zombie outbreak. "Head North" is, obviously, not an option.

Also, every plain glass surface in my apartment

is now heavily decorated with Halloween window

clings. Even my microwave has a spider on it!

This post is just to say thanks-- and to show my appreciation. My family kicks @$$ all over the place. This went from a "business as usual" night to one that merited a blog post. Still managed some BioShock, crappy dinner, and will probably go to bed late so... the Universe has righted itself. I now have everything I need-- until I bug them about sending me hoodies and my coat but I'll try and make it through half of November before then.

...since I practically won the Lottery tonight!

Goodnight, my freaky darlings!